Today I woke up and I was 35. I didn’t know how to feel. I normally despise my Birthday because most years my twin has been incarcerated so I felt guilty celebrating a day that was purposed to be shared. This year was different though. My twin is not incarcerated this year, but yet I was stuck. As I began to ponder what this year meant to me I just felt a sense of thankfulness. I’ve gone through a lot and overcome a lot more. The shame that once held me bound is now what catapults me into new territory’s everyday.
I wish I could tell my birth mother just how much I honor her for being obedient to the purpose God had for her. I know it couldn’t have been easy, making a choice to give up your babies. I know the day she stood at the door of our foster home and screamed for hours she felt like the worst mother in the world, but she dried her eyes, and she walked away. She knew that in order for me to fulfill my purpose, she would have to fulfill hers. Fulfilling her purpose meant that even two weeks before she died, when I called her over twenty times after being incarcerated for over 6 years, she would have to ignore my calls. She knew that what I desired from her, she wasn’t purposed to give me. She had already served her purpose.
I allowed my mother to depart this earth knowing her only daughter was angry with her. I held onto that anger for many years and when my Birthday came around I chose to treat it as the worst day of the year. I thought I was punishing her when in fact, I wasn’t being appreciative of the sacrifice she made in order for my purpose to be fulfilled.
So today, I turned 35. Today I honor my birth mom for her courage. Today I choose to walk in my purpose with boldness, because I owe her that. Today I choose to laugh when the enemy wants me to cry. Today I choose to love when the enemy wants me to hate. Today I choose to be free when the enemy desires to see me bound. Today I choose to just be Simply Sana Latrease.
At the end of trying to find the life i was looking for, God took my shriveled heart and filled it, empowering me to become the woman He always envisioned me to be. The beauty I now possess is much more than skin deep; it’s heart deep. Hello chapter 35.