So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. – John 8:36 (ESV)
The day that my twin brother and I were removed from my birth mothers care I remembered looking at him and thinking to myself, I will always take care of and protect him. That was when we were 3 years old.
From that day on I morphed into a mama bear. I spoke for him, made sure he ate, calmed his fears, and wiped his tears.
As we got older I watched him struggle in school, and become very reclusive. He became angry at life and chose to hold it all in. I watched my adopted mother struggle at how to show him her love. When he was around 15 it became really bad and he began to resort to criminal activity. I went to Bridgeport that summer in search of finding my biological family. When I came back my brother was gone. In one summer he had been arrested, placed in prison and sentenced to 7 years.
I remember sitting in my room thinking how I had failed him. I wasn’t there when he needed me most. It immediately became my priority to get a job (baby sitting) so that I could support him when he was in prison. I wrote him letters, sent pictures, took his calls, and kept his commissary full.
When he was finally released from prison he moved in with me where again, I fed him, provided a roof, purchased his clothes, ect, ect. This cycle has gone on for years and to this day continues to go on.
In 2002 God blessed me with a son. I named him Jamir, the Ja in his name means “Of God”. Jamir was the spitting image of his uncle, my twin. Over the years I looked at Jamir and I asked God not to allow him to follow down the footsteps of my brother.
Over the last few months Jamir has began acting out. He is going through a point in his life here he just wants a relationship with his dad (no Josh is not his biological father). He doesn’t understand why his dad doesn’t take care of him, call him, see him, just no relationship at all. Of course Josh and I look like the bad guys because we want him to have structure, get good grades, be respectful, all the things any good parent wishes for their child. Last week it got so bad that I decided that I was going to give him what he has asked for. I put him in the car and in the pouring rain I drove him to Bridgeport, with nothing but the clothes he had on and dropped him off at his dads house.
I cried the entire way back home. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Now some would say I abandoned my child. Some would same I’m a bad mom, but I did what most parents won’t do. I gave my son a dose of the real world, NOW, before he went searching for his own version of the real world later.
For the next three days I cried all day and night. When I wasn’t crying I was praying. On the third day I finally received the call that I was praying for. My baby wanted to come home.
Letting go doesn’t always mean giving up. Jamir needed to have an experience of his own where he had to call on Jesus for himself. I trust God and I trust that from this experience Jamir has learned to trust God. He has learned that our discipline comes from a place of both Love and fear. Fear that he is only two years away from the age my brother was when he entered prison for the first time and lost his adolescent years.
I have declared unto God that I may die trying, but I will break this generational curse of prison for the young men in my family. My son will do better because he will see better.