As I scroll through my social media sites every post is a picture of what #bae brought for them on Valentines Day. Occasionally I see a post from one of my Anti V-Day friends declaring that they Love themselves so they don’t need a valentine. I began to ponder my past valentines days through the years.
When my husband and I first met I told him that I really didn’t need a man. I was independent. I made my own money, and paid my own bills. I’m not handicap so I didn’t need him to open doors for me, or pull out my chair. I don’t eat chocolate, flowers are a waste of money, and I’m grown so I don’t do teddy bears. Year after year Valentines day would come and I would down play the day for many reasons. Some years we didn’t have the money for an expensive dinner or a surprise trip so I would say things like, “I just want to stay home and relax” or “Valentines Day is every day so this isn’t a special day to me”. Then out of no where I began to be honest with myself. I realized that I was 32 years old and I wanted romance in my marriage. I began to get mad at all those Valentines Days and anniversary’s where we did nothing, sometimes we didn’t even acknowledge it. So I started taking my frustration out on my husband. “Your not romantic” I would say. “You need to try harder” I would tell him. One day he said to me, “Tell me what to do to be more romantic”. I looked at him like he had eight heads. “TELL you what to do??, well if I need to TELL you what to do I can just do it myself!”. It was his turn to look at me like I had eight heads. “Are you mad at me because I asked you to tell me how to make you happy??”, he asked. It took me a few days to really absorb what he said. I was so mad that I couldn’t even think. A few days later I was talking to a girl at my church and we were talking about relationships and love. I was trying to encourage her and teach her something about what to expect when she finally got married, but I found myself teaching myself.
I spent 7 years of marriage telling my husband what not to do because in every previous relationship those were the things they didn’t do. I realized that I was trying not to get my hopes up to high so that way I wouldn’t have far to fall. When I finally grew up and matured in my marriage I had the nerve to get mad because I wanted more. I wanted my chair pulled out, my door opened, flowers once in a while and maybe even a teddy bear here and there. The same way I taught him how not to show love, was the same way I was going to have to teach him how to show his love. Guess what?, There is nothing wrong with being loved on. I deserve to be loved on, all the time.
So I say to all of us independent, queens, Be honest with yourself. Let him know form the start how much your love is worth because your worth it. There is nothing wrong with smelling the roses until they die, and then having new ones to smell.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8