As I am sitting here under the dryer no less, my mind begins to wonder. I begin to think of all that I am and all I have overcome simply by the grace of God. God revealed to me who I am, only when he knew he could trust me with who I was.
About three years ago I decided that I had questions that I needed answered. I had begun having flash backs of my life but I couldn’t understand what was real and what was just my imagination. I knew that the first step to getting the answers I desired was to open my adoption records.
I contacted the Dept of Children and Families in Hartford, CT and they explained that all I needed to do was to send a request in writing requesting my records and they would send them. They went on to state that depending how old my records were it could take some time as most of the old records previous to the 2000’s had been archived.
That week I sent off my request and went on about life as usual. I prayed that I would get something back that would fill every empty piece of me and cure every heartache I had ever felt.
About 6 months later I received a call from the researcher, that was assigned to my case. His name was Dan. I was quite surprised as I had honestly forgotten all about the request since I hadn’t heard anything. Dan stated that after much searching in the archives he had finally been able to locate my records. He went on to say that normally they would call and confirm the address and mail them to the clients, but after reading my records he felt compelled to deliver them in person and wanted to know if there was a date and location that we could meet. I told him that we could meet the next day at my church as I was running a summer camp and would be there all day.
The next day, myself and my husband met with Dan in one of the classrooms of the church. “Before I hand you your records, I just want to make sure that you are prepared for what you will read. Once you open them you can’t go back, you will forever be changed.” He stated. I told him I was ready and began to silently read the pages of a story. About half way through I stopped and asked him was he sure that he had grabbed the right records because the person that I am reading about surely could not be me? I continued to read the pages of a story. My story.
It was there in a classroom of my church that I found out that my mother had left me for weeks to get high. That day in the classroom of a church I found out that I had been sexually abused by a neighbor in the crack house that I was found in. Severely beaten and malnutrition. I had to live in Park City hospital for almost 6 months labeled simply as “Twin A”. It was there in that classroom when I realized why I have a fear of hospitals. Why I don’t allow myself to get close to people or furthermore, trust people. It was there in the classroom of my church that I felt God say, “You are not who you were.” It was in that classroom that I decided to embrace my past, and appreciate the wonders of God’s work.
When God hand picks you to be a fleshly example of what he can do, walk in it. Your story may not always be pretty. You may want to skip a few pages but you can not truly appreciate a good story if you skip to the end.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. – Ephesians 2:10 ESV